HOME IS A CASTLE OF STORIES

CBA Africa Concours d'Elegance

It's 4 a.m as she staggers out of the club. Not a book club obviously. Her dress clings to her with the desperation and hunger of an ignored lover. She's a stunner, but no man worth his salt approaches women at 4 a.m. So all you do is watch. Before you can fully consume her; body and soul,  an Uber arrives at the scene like an ambulance. Your cinema is cut short. That Uber guy must surely have connections with Ezekiel Mutua. Maybe they go the same church or he's set to marry his niece. The bride price is "interrupting any sessions of adultery and fornication." Whether it's by only looking, they don't give a damn. So the Uber guy, sorry, I mean Ezekiel Mutua's soon to be in law, sprints away with your imagination.

Nairobi is waking.

Chances are, she's self made. Thinks she's made of steel and all the crap that comes along. But. again here at KINASISI, we don't judge. We take as you're, broken, torn apart and we let you be. Because with time, you'll learn that nobody can console you enough. Nobody will ever love you enough. It's just you, you and you alone. So we lost souls, congregate here each Wednesday, for coffee break.
Nothing else.

Maybe she's part of the gang. She will read this, smile or go batshit. She will fling her iPhone against the wall, cursing in spectacular style.

"Who the hell does he think he is? He thinks he's a writer? Huh? He fancies himself a blogger! I will show him who is the real blogger! I'll write a real blog. Oh my gosh! Such an imbecile! What was the name?  Osoch,  ati Osoch Ogun! Atanijua, aki I swear atajua hii Nairobi iko na wenyewe."

She will then call Mr fix it. We all have a Mr Fix it in our lives. This one guy who knows all the loopholes. He always knows someone, who knows someone, who knows someone.

Mr Fix it will boom back
.
"Aha! Osoch Ogun, I know him. He writes for the KINASISI blog, don't worry about him. He's just a miserable, broke campus dude. But guess what?? He was at the CBA Africa Concours d'Elagance."

"No! No!  Not possible!" Our lady will scream.

"He couldn't be there. There's no way. You should have thrown him out. I mean look at what he is writing! Oh my gosh, I'm going to explode!"

Because Mr. Fix it is somehow an expert in human psychology. He'll calm her down.
"Easy, Mercy, easy. It will be alright. I'll make sure this KINASISI guy is hunted down. Even if he is circumcised, we'll circumcise him again. We will castrate him, this guy won't mess with you again."

The child in Mercy will fall for it.
"For real."
"For real." (Mr. Fix it says this with a bass.)
Mercy will jump around, squirming with happiness, then she'll invite Mr. Fix it over to do some other "fixing".

Anyway, I was at the 2018 CBA Africa Concours held at Ngong racecourse on Sunday. And boy! It was swell. The mother of events. As any normal Kenyan, I trooped in late, in the company of Timbe of KBC, my big bro, and two other extremely hot mamas.

Two secrets about Timbe. He's an epic photojournalist, but if you ask me, the guy should be a rally driver. At the entrance, we were screened hastily and we moved on. Those sniffer dogs trudged around the van a bit but were soon on their way. See, I don't like dogs. Or any canine for that matter, so when that dog jumped into the van, I was merely holding back. I wanted to bolt. Had it moved any closer towards me, I would have flung open the nearest window and made a run for it. Can you picture a man hurtling down the racecourse with a German Shepherd in hot pursuit? I think I would have stolen the show. Even those judges could have pronounced me as the winner.

As a blogger, I had this press badge thus I didn't go through those lousy checks. Where a bald, mean looking security guy frisks you, then suddenly touches your balls. You want to jump but you can't, so you stand there like a fool. Then he asks.
"Boss, umebeba mbili ama tatu?? "
You want to ask him.
"Wewe, uko na ngapi??"
But you can't, he's the prince around. He's the law.
d'Elegance had all the pomp and colour you can think of. Attracting people from all corners of the wide world for this once in a lifetime show. They came in droves. Like spawning fish in the higher tropics. There were people from Uganda,(I wonder how Museveni let them.) Guys from Rwanda, with this muscle car, the Vin Diesel type. With Kenya, I can't even dare to name. Because we were the event, without us there was no event.

Machines were the highlight of the show but what really brings colour to Concours are the people. There was this guy from states who were here just to watch. Then I met Mehul Dave who runs a printing and advertising empire. It's an empire because it has a website and he gave me his business card. He was courteous, debonair and more than nice. Don't be surprised to hear that I'm in the printing business soon. Mehul is one of the few cool Indians I have met. He had this golden pipe and his pride, his daughter.

Isn't it nice when you run into people you know? Aha! This is the part where Sareto and Lennox Kirui make a grand entrance. You are all familiar with Sareto. He's part of the gang, the pack leader. Most of the pictures used here are shot by him. There are times he is the model. And nobody takes photos of me the way he does. To more life brother. Kirui, is my ninja too. From high school to campus, to Concours and further horizons. Lennox is in Moi uni, you know it??  It is located in a certain small katown called Eldoret. But then he's a petrol head like the rest of us. He showed up and lit up the arena. Kirui, I hope you did not sleep in a club. Engineering concepts are waiting for you back in Eldoret with unrelenting erections.

TJ and Sheryl from my uni showed up too. They didn't come for the cars though. Damn chicks. Nop! They came to see Nyashiski. Why do girls obsess with this guy so much?? We'll never learn for sure.
At 7 pm. The curtains did fall on the 48th edition of CBA Africa Concours d'Elegance at Ngong Racecourse. Nyashiski and his band brought the house down on its knees. I'm not a music kind of guy but that performance sucked me in. It lit up my soul in ways I can't describe in writing. Dj Joe Mfalme made my night though. I'm an electronic nerd, and I literally couldn't help it. As he wooed us with tunes from the late Avicii and blup! It was dusted.
See you next year.
Goodbye.
Thank you Concours. Thank you CBA.

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